What Inspires My Photos?
Part 1
This semester I have been tasked to create different series of photos with a clear narrative. This seemed daunting to me at first. I feel like I have commitment issues with my ideas, and that I am embarrassed to show a more vulnerable side of myself. There have been times where I want to take photos that deal with my depression, BPD, etc., but I wonder what my classmates may think of me. Starting this semester off, I deal with lighter topics such as: a lighter take on depression, leaving the church, and a look into my friend’s witchcraft practice. However, as the semester went on a showed a more vulnerable side of myself with a series on body image. Let’s now take a deeper dive into each of these assignments.
Single Photo Story #1
This was my first assignment of the semester. When I was first told about what I had to do, I was terrified. I didn’t know what I wanted to start the semester off with. It felt, to me, like this assignment was the foundation of my work and how I was viewed by my classmates and my professor.
I had so many big ideas for how I wanted this assignment to go. I first wanted to take photos of places that we significant to me in my hometown. However, I never completed this project because my anxiety got the best of me. After coming home from that shoot defeated, I decided to take a different approach and photograph how depression made me feel. My first idea for this shoot was very very big. I wanted to take photos in the photo studio, use Photoshop to manipulate my photos, and move onto more intricate sets. This proved to be quite a challenge and my idea blew up in my face. I was not able to use the photo studio, my Photoshop skills are not that great, and I do not have the resources to support my ideas. After having a small cry over my problems, I decided to look to Pinterest for Inspiration.
These are the photos that inspired my final idea. I loved how anonymous everything felt. I also loved how lifeless these images felt. When I experience a depressive episode (or just experience life as a person with depression), I feel unmotivated, uncreative, and like I don’t know who I am. I’m tired. I don’t care if I live or die. It almost feels like there is venom or darkness running through my veins. I knew immediately that I loved these photos and wanted to create something similar.
While planning for this shoot, I knew that since I was already putting myself out there by sharing my feelings I would not want to photograph myself. I have a body image issue and am overly critical of myself when photographed. I decided to enlist the help of my resident model and roommate, Hannah. Hannah has modeled for many of my photo projects and has acted in many of my smaller short films. She has also been there for me when I spiral into an episode, and is someone who I trust to confide in.
I took these photos the night before my final work day. Hannah and I (and my very invasive cat) crowded ourselves into our bathroom to take these photos. I stuck pretty close to the source material since I am still shy about directing models, but I feel that the photos still feel personal to me. I kept with the black and white theme, and I justify this decision because depression is a void. My world feels colorless. I also tried to show the “darkness” taking over in my final photo.
The photo shown below is my final photo.
I have also included the other potential finals below.
Looking back, I am proud of the work that I’ve done. This assignment helped me to rethink how I can take photos. It also helped me to think more about the resources that are available to me and how to make the best out of my situation. It was very discouraging to find out that I would not be able to create my original ideas, but I’m happy that I was able to overcome these challenges.
Thank you so much for reading the first part of this series. Make sure to come back for Part 2!